VASCON

I have been invited to facilitate a workshop for the Vietnamese American Student Conference this year.

The executive director, a woman whom I despise, has casually mentioned that this workshop should focus on activism--its purpose and its feasibility. Seems easy enough, inspiring the uninspired to enact change in their own lives. A noble cause! Except, for some reason, I'm frozen.

I feel disconnected from my...my Viet-ness.

What are the issues that my community faces? How are they unique? Why am I not more plugged into the Viet community?! What will fire us up? What will matter?

And suddenly, I feel like a hypocrite.

I've dedicated these past few years to many things. Finding my inner strength. Pursuing my goals. Challenging myself and others to reconsider and reshape our realities. Redefining what had already been defined for me long ago before I knew how to think and speak for myself. Have I done these things while simultaneously losing contact with my ethnic identity?

Why have I let two semesters go by without attending a single VSA event? Why did I drop Viet language class because of the time committment? When am I going to commit to preserving this important part of my identity? Why don't I even own a RICE COOKER--much to my mother's bewilderment? Why do words flow out of my mouth eloquently in English only to rust in the back of my throat in Viet?

Since I've been in college, I've developed an appreciation for all things Viet that I previously considered embarrassing. But now, as I comb my brain thinking about my community, I consider the possibility that I appreciate my Viet-ness as if it's a vintage pair of jeans that's gone back into style.

-loan